American Idol Week 2 & Fox Programming

Ok, before I get into my AI rant (and I realize I have been a little scatter brained with my emails, they will become more regular once we hit the final 12), I need to address the FOX network’s programming schedule.

So life has been hectic as of late, so for some reason or another, all I seem to watch is FOX shows. For good or for worse that is how it seems to be. But I gotta ask, “Will FOX put anything on the air?”. After watching last night’s result show, I just happen to stay tuned to the Simple Life: Interns which was on afterwards. Granted, I realize Paris and Nicole’s humor is a little juvenile, but I mean watching the show, I couldn’t even understand what it was about? Half of the time they weren’t speaking English, and when they were, all I caught was “That’s hot” and “You're gorgeous”. They also seemed to be hitting on some 5 year old that was in the show. It was all very disturbing. I guess when you are a network that has the number one show on TV you can just fill your schedule with random crap.

That being said, a few other FOX items to note. If you are not watching ‘24’ do it. Go home right now and watch it. But I gotta say, is Jack Bauer that stupid? Does he really believe that the ex British husband isn’t in on it? I mean c’mon. And finally the return of ‘S’ squared (meaning Summer and Seth). For those of you falling behind, I have moved on to the OC. It is about time they wrap up the crappy season they have been having and get to the good stuff. Last week’s episode was ubber cheese in all the right ways. The spiderman kiss, Marissa and Ryan in the rain, the return of Captain Oats. *Sigh* it was all too good to be true. And thank god, they gave the boot the Ultra bloated Kim Delaney (Note to her publicist: I am not sure what she has been doing since NYPD blue, but stop eating the Ding Dongs, Kim) and to Lindsbree (she was grating on my last nerve). Now lets just hope Ryan gets over that red headed mutant quickly and moves back with ‘One emotion’ Marissa – even though I have been enjoying the whole MarissAlex thing. Wasn’t Seth’s expression priceless when he walked in on them last week.

Anyway moving on. Ok American Idol. I am hooked I gotta say. Although enough already, get to the final twelve. That being said here are my views so far.

The men are stronger than the women hands down. That being said, there are many weak links. Sadly we bid adieu to Joseph and that random white turtle neck guy last night. The Selena and Aloha also met similar fates. I wasn’t surprised about any of their departures. I was shocked though, that Janay has somehow to manage to stay in this competition, which just proves on thing. The American audience watching her and voting for her, also must be the same tone deaf hoochie momma crowd that is buying Ciara’s records. I mean c’mon, she was awkward, trying to be too trampy and the whole thing didn’t work. And hello? What is with the bad perm circa Salt ‘n Peppa 1992? The horror.

In a few other notes, I am not sure if the judges are completely tone deaf, but somebody must shoot Constantine and put himself out of his misery. The man butchered his song last week and this week proved even worse, how have they not caught on to this yet? Also, I am still on the fence about Bo Bice, granted he does have talent, I don’t think this is the right show for him, but I guess we will. And what is with all the women thinking they are the next Martina McBride? I don’t know how I feel about this crop of country diva’s.

Mario should be praised once again, and even though he did not get the love from the Judges that he should have, he is going top 2. Mikalah though is my favorite to date. I am glad she toned it down a little, but I hope her spunkiness comes back. Clay 2.0 as the Russian guy is being referred to as needs to be informed that it is no longer 1984.

As for the judges, was it just me or when Nikko was singing the other week, did Paula say she was all wet? What is with that woman? I am convinced she has a drinking problem. I am still not sold either on the way they are eliminating people at the end of Wed nights. I mean I get the whole good tv concept, but I mean, they are just going trashy ala Jerry Springer.

Final thoughts, somebody has to save us from Scott. His pink tinted shades are not cool; and his extreme makeover into Fat Joe is even creeping me out more and more all the time.

Well all we can hope for next week is Janay gets sent home to fulfill her future as a single mother, that Scott gets put in a place where as little people as possible see him, and that Paula whips out another strange bizarre wig (have you not noticed how her hair keeps changing every show?)

MaMa

UPDATES!

Check out http://mamamita.blogspot.com for the latest American Idol reviews!

American Idol - Voting Begins - Week 1 - Episode 1

Oh my head hurt so much after last night. I am not even going to try and figure out what happened to American Idol. Granted there has always been a cheese factor that has oozed out of it (for those of you that are doubting me, need I remind you of those awful Coke and Ford promo’s) but that has always been some of the appeal to Fox programming in general.

But last night, WTF?!?!? I felt with every contestant walking out onto stage I was watching a Spice Girls reunion for guys. Did they all need to have their own cheesy personality? And what was with that dancing at the first? Who the hell thought that was cool in any way? Seriously, there was no need; which just set a really bizarre and awkward tone for the entire show.

One thing I did enjoy was how they did manage to cram 12 performances into the hour, which was nice, considering normally they find a way to drag 3 performances out into an hour. The show had a good pace last night. Although for some reason, I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that the most rated show on television was nothing more than a silly high school talent show that hadn’t worked out all of it’s logistical and performance bugs. Enough ranting for now though about how the show is making a mint off of it’s cardboard sets.

For starters, I realize Ryan is metro; but there is a limit. Did he not look into the mirror before he went onstage? Oh Brian Dunkleman where are you? And is Paula trying to channel Maid Marian? What was with the cape and the armour on her arms? I seriously think the woman has been drinking too much. If we are really lucky we will get her random arm cast back. I was just so confused watching her the whole time.

Now to the contestants. As you all know, each week is usually burdened with some godly theme, and as I watched last night I tried to figure out what the theme was, but then I realized there was no theme. These stupid, stupid men all just chose songs from some 1980’s love compilation or borrowed the soundtrack from Days of Our Lives circa 1984. Oh the horror.

So yeah. Not much to be excited about here. The producers have been hyping up this year as the year of the man, but after last night, I wish all the men would just go home to their trailers.

(random side note – the more I have been thinking about it, did anyone notice how big Marissa’s cahunga’s grew last week towards the end of the episode of the OC? Could it be that Mischa Barton has finally started eating or has finally decided that heroine sheik is out?)

Oh right the contestants (and this might not be in the right order) and if you like me cannot remember names, go check them out - http://www.idolonfox.com/contestants/

(1) Nikko Smith – Thank god Stevie Wonder is blind, he would be hunting you down man. That was just awful. As Randy always says ‘Man you blow!”
(2) Travis Tucker – Shemar Moore already exists and Soul Train does not need another host. You creep me out dude.
(3) Scott Savol – I know this will not be a popular comment, but this guy needs to hop on the treadmill. If you are going to be a pop star, be beautiful; leave the couch potato job to me.
(4) Jared Yates – You sent shivers throughout my body. More like a seizure actually. Oh god you were awful. Time for you to go home.
(5) David Brown – I am not sure what to make of you. If I didn’t look at you, it was ok, but you know what, at some point someone is going to have to look at you. Better luck next time.
(6) Judd Harris – First of all, for having the name Judd should automatically disqualify you. Secondly, Elvis is alive and he is not happy. Very not happy.
(7) Joseph Murena – I wanted to like you. You seem like a normal down to earth guy, but when you started to do this weird séance and channel the ghosts of the dearly departed Richard Marx (who I love but that is not the point) and Michael Bolton (once again my epilepsy started acting up) I lost all hope for you.
(8) Bo Bice – I don’t know what kind of crack the judges are on, but you are out of your league. This is not the right show for you. Picture it, Eddie Vedder trying out for American Idol? I hope you get a big wedgie when you get sent home to your friends.
(9) Constantine Maroulis – All I can say is Jeffrey Dahmer. This man is way to creepy. Leading to one of my main points, where did they find all of these weirdos. He sings worse than me, and for those of you that know me, well, lets just say, there is no good singing coming out of me. And Seal. Oye vey.
(10) Anwar Robison – I am not sure what to make of the Rastafarian crooner. The verdict is still out on him. I may enjoy him or despise him. Please stay tuned.
(11) Anthony Federov – First of all, can this boy speak English? Secondly, enough with the pity vote and the tracheotomy, we get it. Move on. I had hope for this guy, but after brutalizing Richard Marx, I have my doubts.
(12) Mario Vasquez – Ok, so nobody ever believes me when I make my initial predictions but here I go. Without seeing the girls, this guy is gonna be top two. I called Kelly from before the final 10 in the first season. I called Diano Degarmo last year the first time I saw her and this year, Mario is the man. (Season 2 still remains a mystery to me, Trenyce you were robbed) He was brilliant, as Michelle put it “He is Justin Timberlake meets Michael Jackson”. He walked out onto the stage and owned it. I don’t know what the judges were thinking. He was hands down the best, and by a long shot. His only downfall was that he has this creepy Fez (That 70’s show) thing going on. The judges need to smarten up and see this man has skillz.

So week 1 is underway. I am excited for the ladies tonight, I just hope the producers don’t make them dance on poles and sing selections from the original soundtrack of Footloose.

-Mama

Jennifer Lopez is a theiving whore!

Is she sweeping the cutting room floor?

Not only is her lead single "Get Right" a carbon copy of an unreleased track from Usher's multiplatinum Confessions, but now another track on her latest effort, Rebirth (to be released March 22) seems to be stolen from another mega-artist!

The "new" track, "Ryde Or Die" has been taken from none other than Brandy Norwood! The song originally appeared on a mix tape 2 years ago with vocals by Brandy, featuring the rapper Posta Boy, with the title "I'll Do Anything 4 U". Too bad the track wasn't officially released, because it's some of the best work Brandy has done recently. Co-produced by Brandy's ex-husband, not only does JLo borrow the song, she borrows the exact music, arrangement and vocal stylings as Brandy!

JLo's theivery isn't a new occurence - it all began with a track from the album bearing her pseudonym, JLO. Mariah Carey was working on her Glitter album and had registered the use of an obscure sample from a Japanese track called "Firecracker" for her first single from the album, Loverboy. Hoping to sabotage his ex-wife, Sony Music Exec Tommy Motolla (also Mariah's boss at the time) gave another copy of the sample to Jennifer to use on her track, I'm Real. Since JLo's track hit the airwaves first, Mariah had to go back to the drawing board and insert another sample into her song - basically ruining it. The Motolla/JLo team stop there - they went on to do a remix of the single with Ja Rule, to mimic the at-the-time-unreleased If We from Glitter, further destroying Mariah's album.

It's time for Miss Anthony to make some music that is HER OWN. Oh wait, I forgot - she can't sing - scratch that. While we're at it, can someone please stop the annoying horns on "Get Right"? I feel like I'm listening to The Cosby Show theme song while on ectasy!

American Idol- Season 4 Week 1

Ok, I don’t know where to even begin. I myself, am not a huge fan of the reality TV genre, however, every year when American Idol (AI) returns I find myself getting sucked in. Oddly enough nothing repulses me more than Canadian Idol, go figure. I think that is mostly based on that Canadians are just uglier.

Anyway, here is my weekly AI rant. For those of you who offend easily, screw off, lol. Now with all the formalities out of the way, let’s begin.

I generally don’t like this part of the competition. For some reason, the AI producers feel like belittling me, the viewer, into thinking I enjoy watching people sing badly. While the occasional bad audition is funny, I do not need to see every psycho in America come out and warble. Enough already!

Secondly, what has AI turned into? A big history lesson? While I am not some gun-touting American, I do not care about American History. For that matter, I am sure they don’t care either. Hello? Have you checked your target audience lately? They don’t give a rats a** to these little after school lessons.

Now to the good stuff. Paula, oh Paula, what did you do during your hiatus? Spend the whole time at Baskin Robins? Somebody needs to tell Ms Abdul, it might do her some good to find some of that eating disorder she apparently left behind in the early 90’s. In real life people can eat whatever they want, if you are getting paid millions to be on TV, for the love of god it is your duty to stay beautiful. And newsflash Paula, the 80’s are over, way over.

Reaching an all new low, Mark McGrath apparently enjoys getting wedgies from his band mates? Does he want to flush the remaining credibility that he has? For the love of god, now all he has to do is drag himself out to The Surreal Life and we are all set. And while we are on this topic, do we really need anymore guest judges? Brandy, Gene Simmons, Kenny Loggins? WTF, Kenny Loggins? Seriously, were they scraping the bottom of the barrel? They could have called me!

That being said, I have yet to see any good talent. Every knocked up baby's momma in America has apparently come out to audition this time. Apparently Fantasia has made it cool to be a single ghetto mom. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it is just not something that you should strive for, like half of the people auditions seem to have been.

And what was with Bertha and the scratch marks all over her body? Are some of these people touched? Shouldn’t the Mental Health Association of America be in an uproar over the handicap getting exploited? I just can’t understand how some of these people are for real.

That being said, I am sure I will start loving it once we are down to our final 12, however, I don’t like this battle of the sexes thing. I fear it will flop, but ya never know. Also, this competition does not need another 10 contestants who sing bland R&B. Lets face it, the world does not need anymore Patti Labelle’s and Brian McKnights. Lets pray they can actually find someone good looking. Really, you don’t need a good voice to be a pop star, just a good body.

I will also be doing a past idol update for those of you that care. And for those of you that don’t, please bugger off. Josh Gracin is apparently rockin’ the country charts lately. Who knew the military flunky would become a successful country singer? Check out his second top 10 single, “Nothing to Lose”. Oh and for those of you counting, Justin Guarini has sold in excess of 160,000 copies of his debut CD! LOL LOL LOL!

MaMa out.

PS – Does Ryan Seacrest even have a point on this show anymore? Haha, he is more like Paris Hilton in The Simple Life! Haha, let’s make Ryan do random things and film it, in some of the most obscure cities in the country lol. Oh Brian Dunkelman don’t you wish you had stayed around.

PPS – Diana Degarmo you were robbed!

2004: Entertainers of the Year

Well here are my entertainers of the year. All 11 of them. Yeah, not sure why I chose 11, just random. But I gotta give shout outs to a few others first who had an amazing year and you should really check out: Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy’s amazing chemistry in Before Sunset, Natalie Portman for finally rocking out in two amazing movies this year, ABC for restoring my faith in television (if I ever have to watch another reality TV show again I will scream, ok American Idol I miss you, but everything else go away), the end of Friends and Sex and the City proved to be some nice little highlights as well. Also, the wonderful O.C. crowd had restored my faith in the teeny-bop genre.

80’s retro music has finally made the comeback I have been waiting for this year, with such high profile acts as the Killer’s, The Darkness and Gwen Stefani channeling some of my fav’s from the decade. Oh, and I felt obligated to include Canadian content wherever possible, lol not that I don’t enjoy it. And while there are some of you out there who insist on hating the critical mass, get over it. Everyone just wants to make money - what is important is making money and doing it well.

As per always, half of what I say makes no sense, and there are glaring omissions. Meh, what can you do. Also, I don’t pretend not to have 1000’s typos. Proof read it yourself if you want, I’m not. That said, here you go.

(1) Zach Braff
First time director Zach Braff blew me away. And not even in that way you are thinking. The man is amazing. Garden State probably one of the best coming of age movies in recent memory, not only starring, directing and writing, he still found time to star in the unbelievable Scrubs and voice over the soon to be classic Chicken Little (I’m serious). That being said, he was the man of the year, even taking one of his amazing mix tapes and making it into the album/soundtrack of the year for Garden State. Pure and simple genius. Now all we have to do is get him to stop dating that dumb hoe Mandy Moore. Oh Mandy go find some Candy.

(2) John Stewart
''If the events of September 11th have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.'' Oh Jonny. He had the book of the year, his show is finally starting to soar, and the man is just damn funny as hell. Check him out. He mad politics cool again; maybe it wasn’t ever. He is just damn cool.

(3) Arrested Development – Cast
This show has given me faith in television again. Why aren’t you watching it. The Bluth family is f’ing amazing. Never has dysfunction worked so well. Honestly, it is the best television show since I loved Lucy. Oh yeah, and that is a picture of Jason Bateman, I was too lazy to find a picture of the whole cast.

(4) Kate Winslet
Her performance as Clementine wowed me more than anything this year. She is truly a gifted brilliant actress. Even in the dreary and dreadful Finding Neverland she managed to shine. Kate Winslet is one amazing hot tamale, even though not so long ago she kept going on about some annoying guy named Jack.

(5) Mean Girls - Cast
I have to admit this has been my guilty pleasure of the year so far. I know, a grown male to love this so much is wrong, but it is soo good. First off, I gotta give props to Tina Fey for writing a wickedly funny screenplay; and to Lindsay Lohan for giving me faith that teen actresses are more that just “Stuff by Duff”. And god who doesn’t love bitchy girls; I can only pray for my reincarnation to be one big huge slutty bitch lol. A scene towards the end of the movie in which the school all finds out the contents of the Burn Book and turn savage on each other is sheer brilliance. Honestly, I haven’t laughed out loud in a movie or thought, wow, at a mainstream teen angst movie in a long time. While this is no Donnie Darko, this wicked look at teenage girls and their social environment, gives other teen movies like Heathers a run for his money.

(6) The Killers
"Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend that I had of February of last year." WTF???!?! So good. I love you 1980’s. Go buy the album now. Hot Fuss. You wanna believe it.

(7) Michael Moore
The man made one of the most controversial movies of our time. Plus he challenged the world to think outside the box and use their right to vote. Love him or hate him, he is everything America should be. Free spirited, questioning, always looking to do better for his country.

(8) Chantal Kreviazuk and Rain Maida - “Producers Extraordinaire!”
Who knew they were better songwriter/producers than artists? I mean don’t get me wrong, by no means do I think they are the Fleetwood Mac of our time, but what they did for Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson, to name a few, has really impressed me and many critics. Truthfully at best, Lavigne is the anti-Britney who can write catchy, catchy hooks. And to her credit that is a lot to live up too and she does it well. But with the help of Kreviazuk and Maida she seems to have really come into her own. They have given her melody, genuine angst and emotion as well some of the best lyrics to date (and for all of you haters out there, the girl is 19 so it is ok that she is writing about boys trying to get in her pants, no need for her to be worrying about world peace). They also gave Ms. Clarkson a little more grit and melody as well. I hope Kreviazuk and Maida take a hint from all of this success from their production work and continue as amazing songwriters/producers and forget about their own work for a while.

(9) J.J. Abrams
Alias is back better than ever, and LOST is probably the best scripted drama in years. J.J. is proving himself to be Hollywood’s new wonder boy, and now being tapped to direct Mission Impossible III, he is finally ready to make it to the big league. J.J. has helped create Must See TV Wednesdays!

(10) Desperate Housewives
Who knew if you took a transvestite, superman’s ex-girlfriend, a psychopath who likes to take her hair off and a buch of slutty has-been soap stars you could have such a comic gem? Certainly not I, certainly not I. I love the Wives. Now, I admit the show is quite superficial and over the top, but isn’t that the brilliance of the whole thing? Watch it! While Carrie Bradshaw has left us, we have a whole new set of wonderful woman to keep us entertained on Sunday nights. And the supporting cast, I love it. ABC is rehashing every C rated prime star ever, lol, Doug Savant, Marla Sokolof, Ryan O’Neil, it only keeps getting better for some reason.

(11) Jessica Biel
She was buff and tough. I mean it. Blade was awful. Just awful, but finally I believed she wasn’t Jessica Biel. Finally she wasn’t Mary from Seventh Heaven. Finally, she showed me should could be a hard core action bitch. I loved it. I hope she continues to be the ultimate action scream queen.

-MAMA

Mama Mita's 2004 Wrap Up!

Top Pop Culture Disasters of the Year:


(1) Jennifer Coolidge “What have you done to your career?”
Probably one of the reasons I still have faith in Hollywood. This is one lady who is giving Hollywood and independent movies some of the greatest moments on screen. Most recently, I had seen a preview for another excruciatingly painful Hillary Duff teeny bop movie a Cinderella Story, and then Ms Coolidge appeared on screen. And no matter how much I wanted to hate the movie, I kept chuckling. The woman’s amazing ability to play supporting roles and some of the greatest character roles in modern cinema is matched by no other. But she is just killing herself; I mean I can only forgive so many times. Hillary Duff, Joey, Lemony Snickett, somebody needs to shake her and get her back on track. If she chooses mainstream, why can’t she find more of Stiffler’s mom.

(2) M Night Shamalyan is not the next Hitchcock
This movie. The ending. The way he belittles his viewers. His sick fascination with casting himself. The horror. Joaquin Phoenix’s one emotion. Who ever had the gall to compare him to Hitchcock. Jesus, this movie was worst than Glitter.

(3) Nipplegate – oh Damita was a victim of this mess
Apparently it was a bad thing we saw Janet’s nipple. More importantly who the hell cares? If we have succumbed to a culture where we freak out over a nipple we seriously must revaluate our existence. I mean for the love of god, it was just a freaking nipple. It could have been worse; it could have been Star Jones.

(4) The Phantom of the Opera
See my review for number 2. Remove Joaquin insert Emmy Rossum. Enough said. Well maybe not, but it was just trash. Wonderful music turned into a bad CBC movie version of Phantom. Were the casting directors on acid?

(5) Nelly – “Who thought it was a good idea to let him release two albums?
Duet with Tim McGraw, Duet with Jaheim, having Christina yell at him because he is making her all sweaty. Naming his album ‘Sweat’. My head just hurts thinking about this. The band-aid on the face. If there was justice in the world we would have been sparred.

(6) Jessica Simpson performing live “Why does she have an orgasm each and every time?”
Why nobody has questioned Jessica Simpson’s bastardization of Take My Breath Away – Every time this song comes on the radio, it just makes me want to puke. Did she enter the studio with the instructions to ‘sing it like you are having an orgasm?” I want to call whatever radio station is playing it and scream obscenities at them. To me this form of a bastardization of a song is almost as bad as nuclear war. Yet, whenever Mrs. Lachey graces my television set, I am fixed on her. I tune in to watch her ridiculously staged antics on her MTV show; I will admit it, I even tuned into her god-awful variety show on ABC. And the worst part is I watched the whole thing. From her appearances on every award show, Diva’s live concert, and now apparently she is to star in the Dukes of Hazard remake, I feel compelled to watch her; and I will admit it, I don’t know why. So I guess she is what I call a pop culture anomaly. At best she is a 3rd rate talent who can’t dance, has a great voice with mediocre songs and possibly one of the dumbest personalities out there; not to mention the fact when I see her father around her, all I can think of is a stage parent from Bravo’s show about stage mom’s. Yet I still watch on. So this is why I guess nobody has questioned Jessica Simpson’s bastardization of Take My Breath Away. Well Mrs Lachey, you go girl as long as it lasts!

(7) Joey – “A disgrace to our previous friends”
Somewhere Monica, Chandler, Rachel, Phoebe and Ross are all screaming at the trash that is ‘Joey’. I mean WTF?!?!?!? Are they serious? The show is just plain awful. I always had my doubts that Matt LeBlanc could sustain a show on his own but this is just awful. And it shouldn’t be. With a strong supporting cast, Jennifer Coolidge (see number 1), Drea Demateo and gang, it has the makings of a classic, except all it does is make me long for re-runs of Full House. Oh Bob Sagat I wonder what you are up to these days.

(8) What happened to Brittany Murphy?
When I first saw this girls work, I thought ok, so she has made a few poor choices, but she has some mad skills. Playing some great character roles in Clueless, Girl Interrupted, Drop Dead Gorgeous, 8 mile and Don’t Say a Word, Brittany showed great versatility for a young up and coming Hollywood starlet. And now she has gone right to the clunker; I mean if Uptown Girls wasn’t one of the worst movies of the last century, I am sure Little Black Book is. And that whole Ashton Kutchner thing. I am convinced he ruined her. In any event, I hate it when bad things happen to good people. If I was Brittany Murphy, I would start eating again for starters (that’s right I don’t think she has eaten since Clueless) and then maybe since she wouldn’t be hunger crazy she would make better movie decisions.

(9) Star Jones Wedding

I am not sure I even need to say anything. Pictures say a thousand words. (Ugh!)

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Top Songs of 2004:

Listen - I don’t think these are the most brilliant songs of the year, but like everything else that I take into account radio, what count on with the masses and what I felt like had the funk. I am aware that I have awful taste sometimes, so suck it. That said, read on.

(1) All Nite Don’t Stop – Janet Jackson

Hands down this was the song of the year. I mean with lyrics like “Work it like you are working the pole”, it really doesn’t get any better. This song has probably the catchiest dance beat of the last 5 years and is everything amazing that was Damita Jo. Too bad the rest of the world couldn’t check it out.

(2) Somebody Told Me – The Killers

A lot of you maybe scratching your head, but I have been waiting for years for somebody to make the 80’s cool again at pop radio. The Killers finally did that, with this kicking ode to The Cure, INXS, Psychedelic Furs and all the greats of the 80’s.

(3) What you Waiting For? – Gwen Stefani

It really was the year of the 80’s for me. Gwen proved she could hold a séance and become Madonna from decades past. “You’re a super hot female”, yes Gwen I guess in your own psycho world you really are.

(4) Crabbucket – K-OS

The man has some of the finest rhyming skills around, and he knows his funk. With flavor and depth, K-OS wowed me more than any other breakout artist this year. Sampling The Cure was genius. I can’t wait for his big U.S. breakthrough.

(5) Ocean Avenue – Yellowcard

I did have a lot of debate as to if this actually might be my favorite song of the year. But at the same time, this song represents everything MTV that I hate. But like everything MTV, you are drawn to it, no matter how bad it is (check out the Newlyweds and you will know what I mean). Great summer beach song.

(6) We Will Still Need a Song – Hawksley Workman

He grows on you. He really does. Amazingly catchy pop song; saw him twice live this year, he will win you over. Buy the album. Go out and do it now. I’m waiting. Hurry up. Still waiting. He even wears a feather boa, what more could you want. But seriously the man has mad skills.

(7) Since You’ve Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson

Who knew she had it in her to have a huge hit. I gotta give props to my lady Kelly for coming out with the catchiest pop song of the year for radio. For the first time you can hear her having fun; and who knew Max Martin would return. The one and only American Idol. Granted, it is fluff, but if you are gonna have fluff who better than KC!

(8) All Falls Down – Kanye West

“Single Black Female, Addicted to Retail” lol no truer words have never been spoken. Kanye had one of the best albums of the year and proved he didn’t have to go all thug and whatever the hell ‘crunk’ is to show how cool hip hop can really be.

(9) Leave (Get Out) – Jojo

Teen princess of the year goes to Jojo; sorry Hillary your vestal virgin days are over. Nobody wowed me more than she did this year; and that is saying a lot considering the little hoe is only 13. I mean, why is she screaming about some man to leave her bed and get out? She is only 13! In any event, when you are driving down the road and you see others singing in their car, this was their guilty pleasure of the year. You try and not sing the chorus, I betcha you can’t do it. Jojo’s next big hit “My bun in the oven”.

(10) Take Your Momma – Scissor Sisters

If you only knew what this song was about you would flip. Scissor Sister produced one of the best concept albums of the last twenty years this year. Furthermore, reincarnated the Bee Gees, Elton John, Disco and 80’s rock. Who doesn’t want to take your momma out. Also check out ‘Tits on the Radio’.

(11) Talk About our Love – Brandy ft Kanye West

Brizandy had possibly on the best R&B albums of the last ten years. Too bad nobody bought it. Kanye produced yet another funked up retro beat.

(12) Ordinary People – John Legend

Once AC radio finds this guy they ain’t gonna let go. He is the Stevie Wonder for our era. Amazing album, the man has some mad skills. This slow jam was one of my favs of the year.

(13) American Idiot – Green Day

First off, nobody can write a pop song like Green Day. Secondly, the album was great. Amazing art work, wicked follow up singles, and the second best concept album of the year, or last many years for that matter. Who knew by just adding some mascara that Billie Joe would be cool?

(14) I Believe in a Thing Called Love – The Darkness

Haha, I love 80’s glam bands. The mullets, the one piece leotards, and when he screams ‘GUITAR’ before his solo. Sheer brilliance. These guys rocked the whole year.

(15) Try – Nelly Furtado

The gal never gets the cred she deserves. Once again, having one of the best pop singles of the year, it never got on anywhere. Maybe if she just could just stop shopping in the Salvation Army bin, people can begin to appreciate her music for how awesome it really is.

(16) You Had Me – Joss Stone

“Sniffing on blow when you’re feeling low” oh no truer words have ever been spoken Joss lol. Too funny, her deep husky voice though is perfect for her old school vibe. With an album of all new material, she rocked the U.S. this year.

(17) Cold Hard Bitch – Jet

These guys are kind of like a no-brainer for me. The closest thing I will ever get to an AC/DC resurrection in the new millennium. Plain straight up old school rock fun. Plus they say bitch a lot.

(18) Pieces of Me – Ashlee Simpson

Debate this one all you want. Maybe I should write it as Pieces of Me and then put the artist as the producer of the song. I don’t care. Someone made a catchy as hell pop song, perfect for all those 14 year olds and grown men of the world.

(19) If I Ain’t Got You – Alicia Keys

This lady proves to have true class with release after release. I was leary after her first single was a bit of a dud, but this track proved to me she is here for the long run. Hot and talented, what more do you need. Note to her publicist, don’t let Alicia dance please.

(20) Dip it Low – Christina Milian

“Dip it low, pick it up slow, twirl it all around and make your man say ohhh” (hehe it just makes me giggle like a little school girl, hehe)

(21) She Likes to Move – NERD
I don’t know what the hell are in Pharell’s wheaties but the man has the funk. I love it. One of the most underrated album’s of the year. ‘You ass is a spaceship I want to ride”.

(22) Take Me Out – Franz Ferdinand
These guys super impressed me this year. Great pop/rock album. If you haven’t checked it out, go for it.

(23) Call On Me – Eric Pridz
Who doesn’t love cheesy 80’s rip offs. And the video, group sex in an aerobics class, lol, who could have thought of anything more brilliant.

(24) Dare you to Move – Switchfoot
Ok, what the hell? You release a song like 4 years after it was originally released and it becomes a hit? Doesn’t matter I guess, because even though they are a ‘christian rock band’ (which just makes me want to cringe), Switchfoot had one of the coolest rock songs of the year, even though they did channel a little ‘Jon Bon Slippery When Wet’. Remind me why that was a good thing again?

(25) World On Fire – Sarah McLaughlin
I do realize that most of her songs are more perfect for a day at the spa as opposed to radio, but something about Mrs Sarah is just haunting. She redeemed herself with the video for this tune.

(26) Toxic – Britney Spears
Say what you want, this song was awesome. It is the type of song Slutty Spears should make all the time. Who didn’t love her as an action hero? And better yet, her voice is synthesize 100% of the time. So damn catchy though.

(27) Vertigo – U2
Hello, hello, why the hell is Bono screaming in some foreign language? I don’t understand.

(28) Lose My Breath – Destiny’s Child
“Can you keep up, Baby Boy, lemme lose my breath”. Well, Beyonce how many men have you said that too? That being said, the drum line on this song is amazing. Who knew marching bands could be so cool? Moreover, who knew Rodney Jerkins would ever have another hit after “The Boy is Mine”. Great single from DC, too bad their album blew chunks.

(29) Penny and Me – Hanson
Penny likes to drown her pain in lemonade, oh yes you do Penny. The MMMBop losers are back, with probably the best pop album of the year. I realize this is a bold statement. Check it out; Isaac even dishes on his overdose.

(30) Seven Days Without You – Avion
Ala Mr Big – Be With You, Bon Jovi – Always, Aerosmith – Don’t Want to Miss a Thing, Avion should have had a huge power ballad hit. Too bad, classic song, hopefully they will take off in the coming year.

Honorable mentions:
Drop It Like It’s Hot – Snoop Dogg ft Pharell (all I can say is Drop it like it’s hot)
Flawless (Go To The City) – George Michael (Cause you’re beautiful like no other, I loved hearing those words in the morning, who needs Prozac if you got this)

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10 Worst Songs of 2004:

(1) The Reason – Hoobastank
I would rather kill myself than ever hear this song again. Enough said.

(2) Over and Over – Nelly ft Tim McGraw
In theory it sounds great: lame ass middle-aged country superstar in tight jeans and cheesy rapper who has lost all his street credibility. Ok wait, never mind…The fact that this was ever even made infuriates me.

(3) Soldier – Destiny’s Child
“I need a soldier, he gotta carry big things if you know what I mean.” Umm no honey, I don’t know what you mean. As a wise music critic once told me, all the poor children in the Bronx and South who cannot afford food or an education insist on buying Beyonce’s trash. Alas, she will continue to spawn more babies momma’s.

(4) Redneck Woman – Gretchen Wilson
“I'll stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip.” Enough said.

(5) Confessions – Usher
If a girl were to make an album about being the home wrecker to Usher’s confessions now that would be genius. Why can’t this idiot keep his clothes on? I am all for top 40 radio, but for the love of god, I hope he gets and STD and leaves us all alone.

(6) Just Lose It – Eminem
Once perceived as the Bob Dylan of our generation, he is now nothing more than a lame gimmick. I think Marshall Mathers needs to take a hard look at himself and find some new skills. One of the biggest disappointments of the year.

(7) Move Ya Body – Nina Sky
Who knew there was two of them? More importantly who cares? Seriously though, ripping off Sean Paul is never a good way to make a hit; and why does the video look like they are all stuck in a light-bright set?

(8) 1985 – Bowling for Soup
The band is called Bowling for Soup. The video rips off the amazing White Snake to no avail. Awful, plain awful.

(9) My Place – Nelly ft Jaheim
He is just that bad. He deserves to be on here twice. Who the hell is Jaheim? And why are him and Nelly singing out ‘my place’? Make this man go away. Anyone know a good sniper?

(10) Take My Breath Away – Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson’s producer in the studio words of encouragement “Now sings it like you are having an orgasm?” The video is nothing more than a short clip porn with her finding a way to get off on camera.

Honorable mentions:
Daughters - John Mayer (not sure what sort of weird daddy fetish he has, but oh dear);
Welcome to My Life - Simple Plan (they just plain annoy me)
Predictable - Good Charlotte (do I really need to say anything about this?)

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Lights, Camera, Action - The Year in Film

It was an unusual year in film; lots of big blockbusters, an usual amount of cartoon and animated features and some much hyped movies turning out to be real duds. All in all though, there were some extremely moving performances and pictures of the year. While I am sure these lists are debatable, the following represent to me the best in film over the last year, taking both commercial and non-commercial pictures into account.

All in all there was some great films and great performances. Now do I think they will all get the accolades they deserve, ummm no. Furthermore, some pictures I have only seen on the small screen (My computer - Yes, I illegally download - deal with it!) so their impact may change once viewed on the big screen.

Hands down the movie event of the year for me was ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’. After watching this movie, I was convinced that true love exists. The movie is breathtakingly beautiful, and Kate Winslet gives a performance that hasn’t been matched since Jodie Foster in Silence of the Lambs.

Garden State also proved to be another highlight for me. It is kind of a no-brainer relating to this coming of age tale. But with his off-beat humour and amazing ability to capture the subtleties that are everyday life, Zach Braff is a genius. Natlie Portman also shone in this pic. Portman also had an amazing year, with two turns in amazing roles. I give her a big high five as well.

I know many of you out there didn’t enjoy Closer the way I did either, but the raw hatred of human relationships and betrayal just blew me away. I had my doubts about the casts, but the simplicity of the film and the character development was amazing and hearing Julia Roberts telling me how she likes to be f*cked doggy style and take it in the face was fun too.

Other highlights include, Bill Murray getting high every chance he could in Life Aquatic and Uma Thurman finally killing Bill. Also, if you haven’t checked out the cinematography in Hero do so, it will blow you away.

Lindsay Lohan also proved she could be one hotty bitch, and Thomas Hayden Church finally redeemed himself from Ned and Stacey (I still love you Debra Messing). Oh my god, how could I forget one of my highlights of the year “I’m so rornery, so rornery” and all the puppet sex. I am going out of my mind waiting for the DVD. Finally, Mr. Footloose (Kevin Bacon) giving one of the most haunting performances ever, surely to be overlooked by the Academy due to the nature of the subject matter, but it is a masterpiece. Oh Kevin we are holding out for a hero.

Other than that see below, for my picks of the year. I am sure I am forgetting lots and always narrowing it down is never easy, but meh, what can you do.

Top Movies of 2004:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Garden State
Closer
Sideways
Million Dollar Baby
Spiderman 2
Team America World Police
Kill Bill Volume 2
Mean Girls
The Life Aquatic

If I were an Academy Awards ballet holder:(my winners are in bold/italics if you couldn’t figure that out)

Best Picture
Million Dollar Baby
Garden State
Closer
Sideways
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Spiderman 2

Best Actor
Jim Carrey – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Zach Branff – Garden State
Don Cheadle – Hotel Rwanda
Bill Murray – The Life Aquatic
Paul Giamantti - Sideways
Kevin Bacon – The Woodsman

Best Actress
Catalina Sandino Moreno – Maria Full of Grace
Kate Winslet – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Hillary Swank – Million Dollar Baby
Julia Roberts – Closer
Julie Delpy – Before Sunset
Uma Thurman – Kill Bill Vol. 2

Best Supporting Actress
Natalie Portman – Closer
Kate Winslet – Finding Neverland
Angelina Jolie – Alexander
Zhang Ziyi - Hero
Virginia Madsen – Sideways
Cate Blanchette – The Aviator

Best Supporting Actor
David Karadine – Kill Bill Vol. 2
Clive Owen – Closer
Morgan Freeman – Million Dollar Baby
Thomas Hayden Church – Sideways
Mark Walhberg – I heart Huckabees
Trey Parker & Matt Stone – Team America: World Police

Best Director
Clint Eastwood – Million Dollar Baby
Martin Scorsese – The Aviator
Alexander Payne – Sideways
Zach Branff – Garden State
Michel Gondry – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Michael Mann - Collateral

Worst Movies of 2004:
Below are some of the worst of the worst. I mean just awful. There are plenty more doozies out there but here are a few that made me want to get up from the theatre and run. Run very, very far away.

The Village
I am still writing my letter to the film’s producers asking for my money back. Also, Adrian Brody, you won an Oscar; thus, you should be able to read. What part about that horrific script did you not understand? And for the love of god any critic that ever said M. Night was the next Hitchcock, I would write a retraction as we speak.

Van Helsing
Not sure what sort of weird Transylvanian accent Kate Beckingsale was channeling, but somebody needs to tell her. And her breasts, were they meant to have a starring role in this movie? I didn’t see them listed on the promo posters. So much CGI I don’t even know why they did this live action. A farce of a monster movie.

Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events
It is too bad that Jim Carrey was in the best movie of the year and the worst. This movie had some very cool cinematography, but was so disjointed, had no real plot and left me feeling so frustrated.

Finding Neverland
First sign of a bad movie, you spill your pop corn everywhere (that’s you Joni). Secondly, falling asleep typically not a good sign. Kate Winslet was brilliant, Johnny Depp just seemed to channel a subdued Michael Jackson. And why is this good?

After the Sunset
Note to Woody Harelson call the makers of Cheers and beg them for a reunion special.

The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
I cant even begin to understand why we went to this movie. I blame this all on Jamie. Granted the first one had typical Garry Marshall humour, I feel he must have been absent for 99% of the filming of this movie and left it up to the Deaf and Blind association of America.

The Punisher
If you have seen it, enough said.

The Phantom of the Opera
It could have been the best of the year. See number 4 of my pop culture disasters of the year. They might as well have cast Star Jones as the Phantom, at least it would have been funny.

The Stepford Wives
Apparently Nicole Kidman is suffering from the same sort of dyslexia that Adrian Brody is going through since he won the Oscar. Can nobody read scripts anymore? Such an amazing cast, what a weird and demented movie; who the hell was the target audience?

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So that wraps up the review of 2004. You might not agree with everything I said, but feel free to leave your comments :) American Idol reviews start next week - stay tuned! Don't forget to subscribe so you get new posts delivered right to your inbox!!!

Much Love, MAMA

What's on MaMaMita's iPod this week?!

Estelle - Free
Learn her name, 'cause she's not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. Sometimes referred to as E-Boogie (Sensing a Lauryn reference anyone??), this UK rapper release her first album, The 18th Day last fall without a blink from across the Western waters. This is rather unfortunate considering the fun and funk that are present in her second single, "Free" (the first was 1980), is so refreshing, albeit, I'm sure it samples something that I can't quite put my finger on.

Estelle has been around for a while on the UK scene, but this was her firts major release and people are giving her a lot of credit while saying that she could be the first "big" UK Female Rap Star (can anyone tell me who the male one is?!! LOL). She also has a Ms. Dynamite vibe (anyone remember her?), in that her rhymes aren't always negative and can crossover to receive some mainstream play.

Anyways, Free is a lot of fun and definitely a great cruising tune. Make sure you check out the video too! As a b-side to the single, Estelle hooks up with Talib Kwali and my current favorite, John Legend, on the track "Freedom" - another stellar cut from these guys (they previously worked together on the Talib/Mary J Blige duet "I Try"). Another UK hit!